actress
The best car accident I've ever had
Thu, 19th November, 2009
The Spirit put it on my heart today to go to Panera Bread Co… I know… strange.
So, with my laptop and books, I went…
Within the three hours I sat in there, I didn’t get much work done, and nothing significant happened. So, I packed up my things around 2 o’ clock and went.
As I waited behind a car in the parking lot, I noticed a big, black BMW started backing out on the side of me. I was trapped, so there was nothing else for me to do but honk wildly, and hope that this dude didn’t crash into the side of my car.
Tough luck. This dude smashed into the side of my car.
The driver, an old white man, apologetically got out of his car and came over, and before he inspected the damage on my door, he searched my face to see if I was alright (I’m just dandy, of course). And I’m thinking, “What an inconvenience. I’ve had it with Memphis drivers. This is such a waste of time.” I wanted this to be a “touch and go” incident, where the police come as quickly as they can, type up that report as quickly as they can…so I can leave as quickly as I can and go to…hmm…well, home I guess.
Well, the police come, and by that time, this guy had asked me about 20 times if I was alright and apologized 20 more. And by then, I was understanding and really did feel everything would be fine. I was just ready to go! We give our insurance information to the officer, who does a double take at Mr. Crosby’s card. Then the officer says, “This is expired; do you have anything updated?” And Mr. Crosby says, “ Well,…you see…it’s about a week old, and I didn’t bother renewing it with the same company…I should have a new card in the mail today, because I changed companies when my wife died 2 weeks ago…”
The officer shrugs, and goes off to his car…and the Spirit pierces my “touch-and-go” mentality, and I am instantly affected and empathetic. I was pretty amazed at how just a minute before, I would have loved to have just left to begin the process of getting everything taken care of so I could forget this ever happened and move on… but now, I am connected emotionally to this man that I don’t even know. I went over to talk to him- not about his wife or the car situation… just to talk, and see how it goes.
A beautiful spirit. What beautiful spirit this man carried with him. And just as I opened my mouth to tell him, the officer shouted, “Ma’am! You’re free to go!” So, Mr. Crosby shook my hand, gave me his number in case I had any problems and went over to handle a few things with the officer. And I left.
But I didn’t stop feeling that I should call him to tell him that he had a beautiful spirit, and that… well, what? What else did I need to tell him? Something, I knew, but I couldn’t think of what…
Would you believe that my mom called a minute later (I called her when the accident happened), and told me, “Jazmin, I think you should call that man, and tell him…oh, I don’t know. Offer to buy him coffee, something! Just call him.”
That was my confirmation. So, I did.
And when he picked up the phone and realized it was me, he said, “Jazmin, everything’s going to be alright…you see, my son is a lawyer for the city of Germantown, and he offered to pay for everything. We’ll get you fixed up, and you let me know if you have any problems at all.”
And I said, “Thanks Mr. Crosby, but that isn’t why I called. I meant to tell you back in the parking lot earlier, that you have an absolutely beautiful, radiant Spirit…simply beautiful. And if I could ever buy you a cup of coffee sometime, never hesitate to let me know. I’d be honored…but you carry a beauty within-”
And immediately, I’m interrupted by sobs. This man was sobbing like a baby. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t…and I’m thinking, Lord please give me the words to say…I just don’t know what to tell him right now, but I know he’s hurting deeply. And immediately, God drops Matthew 10:19 on my heart, “When they hand you over, don't worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say, because in that hour what you are to say will be given to you.” And I waited…
And Mr. Crosby says finally, “ I am so sorry… I didn’t mean to lose it…it’s just that, we were married for 50 years. And I don’t know how to live now… everything is so new still. My heart hurts still…it…”, and he began crying again.
Finally, the Spirit gave me the words. “Mr. Crosby, you’re heart hurts, because that’s just it- you have one. And even in the midst of hurting and suffering, the Spirit, when present, is just as beautiful, peaceful and easily recognized. Thank you for letting that light shine, regardless of your circumstance. And I know you’re afraid, but you’re not alone. You’re never alone… God is there…wait for Him. I am praying for you, Mr. Crosby. And as you know already, you have my number. Call anytime.”
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I was supposed to have the side of my car smashed in today…whether I ran into him in a restaurant, and he knocked my plate over by accident, or if I met him through a mutual friend- I was supposed to meet him today. And I thank the Lord I did. Friends, I pray that we don’t pursue touch-and-go lives and relationships. Yes, there are a billion strangers we see/mildly interact with every week! But what are the chances that somewhere, with someone (that you may know well or may not know at all), you are meant to be the servant used for comfort, conviction, etc? Or vice versa? I say those chances are great, so I pray we are open to receive the victory awaiting in any given circumstance. I pray that we are vulnerable and ready, because it is difficult in a world/culture where our lives are fighting to be priority. This experience has definitely encouraged my heart (thank God when we yield to His purpose…honestly, I miss the mark a little more than I’d like…). I hope you all are encouraged, and though I know this guy a little more than all of you, I hope that you will still pray for him too. Thanks, friends, for taking the time to read this and for your prayers.
So, with my laptop and books, I went…
Within the three hours I sat in there, I didn’t get much work done, and nothing significant happened. So, I packed up my things around 2 o’ clock and went.
As I waited behind a car in the parking lot, I noticed a big, black BMW started backing out on the side of me. I was trapped, so there was nothing else for me to do but honk wildly, and hope that this dude didn’t crash into the side of my car.
Tough luck. This dude smashed into the side of my car.
The driver, an old white man, apologetically got out of his car and came over, and before he inspected the damage on my door, he searched my face to see if I was alright (I’m just dandy, of course). And I’m thinking, “What an inconvenience. I’ve had it with Memphis drivers. This is such a waste of time.” I wanted this to be a “touch and go” incident, where the police come as quickly as they can, type up that report as quickly as they can…so I can leave as quickly as I can and go to…hmm…well, home I guess.
Well, the police come, and by that time, this guy had asked me about 20 times if I was alright and apologized 20 more. And by then, I was understanding and really did feel everything would be fine. I was just ready to go! We give our insurance information to the officer, who does a double take at Mr. Crosby’s card. Then the officer says, “This is expired; do you have anything updated?” And Mr. Crosby says, “ Well,…you see…it’s about a week old, and I didn’t bother renewing it with the same company…I should have a new card in the mail today, because I changed companies when my wife died 2 weeks ago…”
The officer shrugs, and goes off to his car…and the Spirit pierces my “touch-and-go” mentality, and I am instantly affected and empathetic. I was pretty amazed at how just a minute before, I would have loved to have just left to begin the process of getting everything taken care of so I could forget this ever happened and move on… but now, I am connected emotionally to this man that I don’t even know. I went over to talk to him- not about his wife or the car situation… just to talk, and see how it goes.
A beautiful spirit. What beautiful spirit this man carried with him. And just as I opened my mouth to tell him, the officer shouted, “Ma’am! You’re free to go!” So, Mr. Crosby shook my hand, gave me his number in case I had any problems and went over to handle a few things with the officer. And I left.
But I didn’t stop feeling that I should call him to tell him that he had a beautiful spirit, and that… well, what? What else did I need to tell him? Something, I knew, but I couldn’t think of what…
Would you believe that my mom called a minute later (I called her when the accident happened), and told me, “Jazmin, I think you should call that man, and tell him…oh, I don’t know. Offer to buy him coffee, something! Just call him.”
That was my confirmation. So, I did.
And when he picked up the phone and realized it was me, he said, “Jazmin, everything’s going to be alright…you see, my son is a lawyer for the city of Germantown, and he offered to pay for everything. We’ll get you fixed up, and you let me know if you have any problems at all.”
And I said, “Thanks Mr. Crosby, but that isn’t why I called. I meant to tell you back in the parking lot earlier, that you have an absolutely beautiful, radiant Spirit…simply beautiful. And if I could ever buy you a cup of coffee sometime, never hesitate to let me know. I’d be honored…but you carry a beauty within-”
And immediately, I’m interrupted by sobs. This man was sobbing like a baby. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t…and I’m thinking, Lord please give me the words to say…I just don’t know what to tell him right now, but I know he’s hurting deeply. And immediately, God drops Matthew 10:19 on my heart, “When they hand you over, don't worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say, because in that hour what you are to say will be given to you.” And I waited…
And Mr. Crosby says finally, “ I am so sorry… I didn’t mean to lose it…it’s just that, we were married for 50 years. And I don’t know how to live now… everything is so new still. My heart hurts still…it…”, and he began crying again.
Finally, the Spirit gave me the words. “Mr. Crosby, you’re heart hurts, because that’s just it- you have one. And even in the midst of hurting and suffering, the Spirit, when present, is just as beautiful, peaceful and easily recognized. Thank you for letting that light shine, regardless of your circumstance. And I know you’re afraid, but you’re not alone. You’re never alone… God is there…wait for Him. I am praying for you, Mr. Crosby. And as you know already, you have my number. Call anytime.”
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I was supposed to have the side of my car smashed in today…whether I ran into him in a restaurant, and he knocked my plate over by accident, or if I met him through a mutual friend- I was supposed to meet him today. And I thank the Lord I did. Friends, I pray that we don’t pursue touch-and-go lives and relationships. Yes, there are a billion strangers we see/mildly interact with every week! But what are the chances that somewhere, with someone (that you may know well or may not know at all), you are meant to be the servant used for comfort, conviction, etc? Or vice versa? I say those chances are great, so I pray we are open to receive the victory awaiting in any given circumstance. I pray that we are vulnerable and ready, because it is difficult in a world/culture where our lives are fighting to be priority. This experience has definitely encouraged my heart (thank God when we yield to His purpose…honestly, I miss the mark a little more than I’d like…). I hope you all are encouraged, and though I know this guy a little more than all of you, I hope that you will still pray for him too. Thanks, friends, for taking the time to read this and for your prayers.
Love your enemies
Tue, 25th August, 2009
Perhaps this blog should be about the MIFA and Carita’s performances. Lord knows they were both awesome experiences. God is really moving this journey where He wants it to go, and I am loving every audience and moment of it! (Next stop- Soulsville Charter School…whoop whoop!), but to be honest, something else is on my heart.
Lately, there have been “happenings”, scathing remarks, smiling faces covering scowling intentions and general negativity that have surfaced as a result of good-natured attempts on my part (expressing myself artistically, media and walking a true journey with the Spirit as my compass). My initial reaction was utter shock! How could there be opposition when I mean no one harm? How can the truths of God that we share with one another be repeated in lies and hate in an attempt to destroy the character of another human being? And what shocks me most- we live in a severely broken world, and with all there is to repair, where should we find the time, committed to destroying relationships and lives?
I speak generally, because this isn’t just my story. If your heart is in the hand of God, sensitive to the needs of others and you act in obedience and love, you’ve made enemies.
If you so much as discover you divine purpose(s) in life, you will have enemies. There will be those that have claimed a friendship with you (and you with them), but as soon as you find that divine path (what I’d like to call the “journey of truth”), the truth is exactly what shows up in your life. Whether that truth is God himself, your personal spiritual struggles and strongholds, divine purpose, true friends or real opposition, it is the truth, nonetheless. Personally, this never ceases to amaze me! If the truth, purpose and direction in life are good, if God is good, why should so much negative energy work against me and my efforts on God’s behalf? When I asked this question, God immediately spoke: Jazz, there is one enemy.
Truth is, we are not the beginning of life’s story; we come somewhere in between. There was a very real spiritual battle happening in the beginning and it is happening now. As “Christ-followers”, we like to call ourselves “vessels.” And as vessels, we are learning more and more, even in a culture that tells us that the world ought to revolve around us (The letter “i” is nearly the center of the word “AmerIca”…nearly:), that life is not about us. I used to think that making this choice to be a “vessel” for God to do what He sees fit in His kingdom was unique in that I have chosen to be a vessel. I laugh at that now, because in reality, I simply chose what kind of vessel I would be…truth is, I’ve always been a vessel. Truth is that all of us have always been and will always be vessels. No matter how much we convince a vast majority of the world that we are the center of the universe and everything revolves and gravitates around and to us, we are vessels in the end. The only choice is which one you choose to be.
There is God and there is Satan. There is good and there is evil. There is war. And the moment you’ve chosen God and goodness, you have declared war. You have told evil, negativity and sin “I will fight you until the death in the name of the most high God.” You have made a vow to fight not the person or “opposing vessel”, but the force behind them. You have made a vow to fight the enemy threatening you with your own weaknesses. In coming to the truth that life is not about “me”, you have made a vow to make a mark in the world and for God. And you may find that popularity, health, financial prosperity and family support are not on your side because God never promised that, but thank God for what you will find- victory. Victory in the name of Jesus, and that is the truth.
So, now that you’ve declared war on the scathing remark made to you, adultery, falsehood…now that you’ve declared war on the threat of defeat, a recent trip-up” by one who has called themselves your greatest supporter, and even your on flesh, what are you going to do? I remember asking myself what I should do when awful remarks had been made about my character and purpose. I remember perfectly well how quickly I came to the conclusion that I should use a fleshy weapon (my mouth) to speak falsehood and sting the person who had spoken lies about my friends, family and myself. And I also remember the Spirit…I felt much like a dog on a long leash who had seen a big steak on the sidewalk across the street and quickly runs to devour it when the leash yanks him to a screeching halt. God spoke so very softly to me: And where do you think you’re going to fight with a weapon of the enemy? I had to examine myself and my intentions. In this particular situation, it wasn’t my immediate attempt to deliver on God’s behalf; I was ready to cut up! Ready to sting and hurt someone with my words…but when the Spirit tugs, we know He’s ready to reason with us. So, He says: Jazz, I never told you not to fight it; you’ve entered into the battle. But you can’t defeat the enemy with his weapons. Use mine.
Fight with love.
Speak love, act in love, be silent in love, soften with love, meditate in love, listen in love, fight in love. Fight your enemies with love. Love your enemies. Love breaks strongholds, love pierces hate as light pierces the darkness. Love was crucified on the cross in the midst of hate and won. Love came down in spite of my sinfulness and chose me. Love loves me, and I must love my enemies. Jesus calls us to honor the greatest commandment, which is love, inevitably calling us to victory.
With that said, I love you friends, with all of my heart.
And with that said, enemies…I love you, with all of my heart.
Love your Lord God with all of your heart, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. Let’s pray for one another that the scripture becomes real in our hearts, and what seems difficult and impossible, becomes possible in Christ alone. Let’s love our enemies, and victory is ours.
jazmin miller
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